Another anti-romantic comedy in three acts
ACT 1 – the build-up
We all know that “Exams” are knocking at the door! Now, that it’s almost February, that door is going to fling open. For us, it’s not the usual exam, that we kind of study the night before….
COUNCIL EXAMS!!!!! MUA HA HA!
That very “catchphrase” is enough to make us wet our pants!
The first thing that we all have to do before this time is to say goodbye to some people,
They are… Mr Inquisition and Mrs Logic!
The new people who barge in at our mindsville are Mr Mug and Mrs Tension!
The pile of notes take up the centre stage and the original textbooks slowly disappears down the Oblivion Street. Suggestions and test papers are a “must”; while the original textbooks must not be referred to as it almost becomes a taboo!
“You aren’t doing FRANK? Are you SERIOUS mate?”
Some kind of a glam quotient starts to develop,
The guy who buys shitloads of test papers is easily the wisest one! More than an examination, this time, becomes a test of survival for the students.
You’re not supposed to stay online during this time period, BUT! Your WhatsApp account must display….. Last Seen Yesterday 3:45! And BAAMMM!!! You have struck the bull’s eye!
I mean really! What is this? A Staying Awake contest?
The poor guy who sees his friend’s last scene the next morning is immediately treated to mental images of his friend CRACKING every undergraduate entrance exam!
Is it an examination or a COCONUT that we are supposed to crack it?
Ask about me? I am not going crack any exam; I am going to explode ‘em! #thuglife
Once upon a time,
A bearded guy said
“All the world’s a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,”
Now, if I am the hero of this comedy, there must be a villain, and he makes his/her entrance now!
THE GREAT INDIAN NEIGHBOUR
The nemesis of every of Indian Student.
They usually go by the names of
Sharma Ji, Subramaniam, Agarwal Ji, Chatterjee da and that unanimous aunty with better spying capabilities than James Bond!
They don’t give a f!$# if you are alive or dead,
They come before the exams and say
“ARE YOU APPEARING FOR IIT?”
But, what they actually have in mind is this…
“LET’S SEE IF YOU CAN PASS ISC WITH A FIRST DIVISION!”
If you are a student like me, these words will make you do this….
ACT 2 –the day before
The day before the exams is like the final sequences of mission impossible movies.
You open the book and feel like Alice in Sorrowland, the book seems to be like in mint condition and has the smell of new newspapers. If you are unfortunately a science student, the books seem to be written in Hebrew, later you realise that they are just formulas!
The council could easily lower its load of making question papers and could give us to write all the formulas, Sim-“fail”!
As Morgan Freeman said,
“Prison time is slow time…”
The scenario is quite similar to us students, before exam day
We are sadly an optimistic breed, every now and then we tend to look at the watch to see how much we have been studying, but those stubborn hands won’t bloody move!
Everyone has that friend who calls to check up on you and rues about how much he has left!
You are left disaster struck would happily accept the contract to kill that guy or make him an offer he can’t refuse for you haven’t started yet!
The stubborn time passes in a negligent manner and goals of wrapping the syllabus shrinks rapidly!
Time is a crazy guy, he moves fast when don’t want him to!
ACT 3- that day!
It’s the dreaded exam day!
I always feel this awkward sense of humour during this time, I have done nothing! Why am I giving the exam?
The moment you reach exam hall, you see robots…with books…
People pouring over their books to cover every single letter in print. The feel is entirely different!
Guys and Gals sport additional makeup, some have a tilak while others have a stroke of yoghurt which they would happily lick off when no one’s looking!
Finally the exam starts and the moment you get that question paper, everything stops, it’s just numb everywhere!
The question paper seems like an evil Gandalf screaming at you
“You shall not pass!!”
But you manage to pass, don’t you?
Dodging the bullets like Neo from The Matrix!!
Outside the hall,
There is another scenario, all the wisecracks have gathered and answer discussions are in full swing,
“The answer is 257.90” says one…
The other one retorts
“No! It’s 257.91, it’s given in page number 131 paragraph numbers 2 and line number 36”
And I think
“How did I get a Math Error in my calculator?”
The guardians are like the passive jury in a hearing, whenever they come to know that their child has missed out on an answer, they come down crashing and interrogations begin!
While everyone else thinks about the next exam, people like me put on their headphones and listen to blaring music!
-NOT WRITTEN BY