ANALOG INDIA

Two friends, Anik and Barnak are writing in class whilst
talking in whispers.

ANIK
Seen Sacred Games yet?

BARNAK
What?

Anik stops writing. Looks at Barnak in disgust.

ANIK
Oh yes, I forgot, Doordarshan is
more of a comfort zone for you!

BARNAK
I told you, man… I’m not into all
these–

ANIK
What else do you do but cram stupid
notes all day?

BARNAK
It’s called self-study fool, ever
done that?

ANIK
Ever done that without books?

BARNAK
I don’t really prefer manuscripts,
thank you!

ANIK
You’re undoubtedly the worst
comedian I have ever heard of!

BARNAK
But you have heard of me…

1983_h

ANIK
So you do watch movies?

BARNAK
Occasionally.

ANIK
Talking of books, you can get loads
of that on the internet which you
can’t even dream of getting in the
market, what do you say to that,
Homo-habilis?

BARNAK
I don’t know if your updated mind
has come across this term, but we
laymen use a thing called the
‘li-bra-ry’, ever heard of it?

ANIK
Seriously? A library? You’re funny!
You think one library can match the
entire online database?

BARNAK
Maybe it can’t, but, if you had
been to one, you’d understand that
a library is more than–

Anik tries to cut in, Barnak gestures him not to interrupt.

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Just a storehouse of books, it’s a
place of meditation as well, which
offers tranquillity and
concentration! Tell me which of
your ‘websites’ does that?

ANIK
Libraries are currently doing one
thing, and that is digitisation!
Try and access Jstor sometime!

Barnak nods his head in acknowledgement and carries on
writing.

ANIK
Let alone all the web series’,
chuck them, they are just for
entertainment. But, don’t tell
me, the lectures and videos aren’t
helpful. They are done by the best
in the world. Admit it, you also
watch them.

BARNAK
I prefer a hands-on discussion with
my teachers, thank you very much.
Can your ‘best in the world’ give
you that?

ANIK
But you can at least check them out
Gestures at the blackboard
The one of differential calculus
was awesome, just awesome! I sent
you the link, you probably haven’t
even bothered to check it out.

BARNAK
Can’t take these–

Gestures at the blackboard

Down properly, and here you are
talking about more stuff. Pfft!

ANIK
As I said, they aid in your
understanding only–

BARNAK
As I also said, my home teachers
are perfectly capable of that!

ANIK
When did I say they are not? Come
on! E-learning is in demand bro!
They even offer certificates on
completing courses!

BARNAK
Nowadays they give certificates for
everything– someday I’ll hear
mothers handing out certificates to
their children for successfully
bringing dhania from the market!

ANIK
You’re tedious!

BARNAK
The point is, we’re ultimately
gonna toil night and day in some
corporate firm, so, what’s the
point of all this anyway?

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At this point, Anik comes out of character, breaks the fourth
wall and directly talks to the audience as an ad-hoc narrator
of sorts. Light focuses on Anik as Barnak is not seen.

ANIK
Eventually, after some more witty
repartee with Barnak, the bell rang
to mark the end of the tiring maths
class. Immediately, Barnak gets
called by, Shruti, another
classmate of ours, to solve- what
she calls- an ‘IIT level’ Maths
problem. For Barnak, this sounded
like a call for the show valour and
chivalry. He puffed his chests out
and went to rescue his damsel in
distress. It all looked very much
like a page from Walter Scott.
After a few moments, a dejected
Barnak quietly returned to the
seat, it is evident that he has
lost the battle of sexes. Not only
was he unable to solve the problem,
but Nayanika did it for him.
Shame…Shame…Shame…

Anik goes back into character as the lights now show both of
them.

BARNAK
Eh, Anik, umm, could you send me
those links today evening?

ANIK
Oh, there are loads, I have to
search for them…

BARNAK
Please man…

ANIK
Won’t be possible today evening, in
the night perhaps?

BARNAK
Are you busy this evening?

ANIK
Yes, have Roshni ma’am’s tuition.

fin

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Finding the Calling

A play of sorts in one act

Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, attention please, A red digital clock at Howrah station platform no.3 showed 4:29; the diabolical figure resonated through his mind, as missing the 4:30 local….oh the horror! He dragged his over-exhausted right leg amidst the sea of people and managed to somehow scamper into the much dreaded first compartment.

Boy: Phew! That was so close!

Narrator: His momentary inflated ego was crushed immediately by a nonchalant hawker who shrugged him off as if he wasn’t there.

Boy: Heyy! Can’t you see me? Huh?

Narrator: No brother, you’re John Cena. (pause) Just as he had managed a decent standing place, saw something very odd lurking in a general compartment, (bold sarcastic voice) two young ladies (yay!).

Boy: Oh crap! She is looking at me!

Girl1: Umm…will the train stop at konnagar?

Boy (blabbering): Well! The train, madam, stops at every station but you know, the journey never ends.

Just like love, it goes on and on and on…

Girl1: stupid! (aside)

Boy: (to the audience)

Forget trains!

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in love, must say yes to everything at first. And…I think…yes, I am in Love.

Narrator: She was not the one for the poets and it was exactly that which made everything so poetic.

Girl1 (to Girl2): Why is he being so weird?

Girl2 (smiles while looking at the boy through the corner of her eye; speaks distractedly): What do YOU think? … well, you should know!

Girl1: NO, I mean..umm …wait! What do you mean by that?

Girl2: Ummm… nothing.. well, I prefer speaking in innuendoes you know!

Girl1: INNUENDOES???   Ughhh!! You and your “MILLS AND BOONS”!

Narrator: The switch my friend is ON!

Girl1: No INNUENDOS and for your kind information No Love Story here..

Girl2: By the way… When did I say it’s a LOVE story? Huh?

Boy (sudden excitement and despair): Oh GOD! I can’t find my phone! (to Girl1; panting) Excuse me! Can you please give me a missed call?

Girl2(whispers): Ahem! Ahem! Divine intervention you see…

Boy: Well, yeah… I do understand it’s awkward for you, please help me out here…

Girl1: Why do you think brother I will help you? Do you think I’m a nun in some Cathedral ready to help everyone?

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Boy (whispers): What! Brother!
(aloud): Okay, sorry to brother you… I mean to bother you… wait! Why should I be sorry? A nun is never bothered anyway. After all, she’s the harbinger of love.

Girl2: Whoa!.. is something on fire? Or someone diss-appointed?

Narrator: On hitting call after moments of reluctant dialling… the compartment was instantly graced by the tunes of “Can’t Help falling in Love”, thanks to the Chinese speakers! (pause) After few moments of rampant rummaging, our boy discovers his device, lying below a seat and picks up in the blink of an eye.

Boy: Thanks… (whispers) It is truly said that one can never predict them… (pause) Okay, sorry, don’t mind…

Narrator: She smiles away with her friend on another side of the compartment; leaving the boy red-faced. Thank god for the climax, that was one intensely boring narration! So, ladies and gentlemen, that was our—-

Girl2 (interrupts the narrator): Hey, narrator! You didn’t tell the full story?

Narrator: What story? My script ends here!

*gestures “she is crazy” to the audience*

Girl2 (to the audience; *Girl1 and Boy high-fives*): Allow me to finish it then, and take you all into the future (points at Girl1 while she hides her face)you know “A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” Well, what started as a mutual admiration laced with scorn has ended with the two smiling.

Narrator: What are you talking about?

Girl2: Can’t you see the mutual glimmer in their eyes? The glimmer of happiness

Narrator: Happiness! A thing which started as an act of incivility has culminated otherwise? Really!

Boy: See sometimes even a simple start can…

Girl1: …lead to a story!

Boy: (to the audience):

Well, everything said and done,

I hope you had much fun;

I would now like to conclude by saying this—

So as to leave you all in bliss:

You might as now well think, that I had kept the phone there on purpose…..

Well….. Did I?

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-FIN-

 

This was performed as a closet drama by the SA Jaipuria team at Shri Shikshayatan College.

It is inspired by Com Partment:  https://thepenarchist.wordpress.com/2017/08/23/com-partment/

, originally written by Samya Brata Roy.

However, it was adapted for the performance by a lot of people:

Samya Brata Roy

Srija Chakraborty

Susmita Roy Chaudhuri

Shreya Banerjee

Chandrani Sanyal

and last but not the least

Mr Bimal Chakraborty or as we lovingly call him Bimal sir.

We enjoyed working on it so much that we even plan to release a video of it in the near future.

image courtesies

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Com partment.

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A red digital clock at Howrah station platform no.3 showed 4:29; the diabolical figure resonated through my mind as missing the 4:30 local would surely have been fatal. I dragged my over-exhausted right leg amidst the sea of people and managed to somehow scamper into the much dreaded first compartment. My momentary inflated ego was crushed immediately by a nonchalant “Murshidabad er gamcha” seller who shrugged me off by a very courteous “dada shorun”. Just as I had managed a decent standing place, I saw something very odd lurking in a general local train compartment, a young lady (yay!).

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As fate might have had it, she was directly looking at me(now that doesn’t happen), only to ask me if the train would stop at Konnagar (such a romance killer). A nod came in reflex.

poeticanimatedillustrations0-900x897

She was not the one for the poets and it was exactly that which made everything so poetic.

The tired train moved with a grunt and slacked like a baby to school. She couldn’t find the perfect posture in the overcrowded compartment and kept turning; new to “daily passenger-i” I thought. With every turn, it seemed she stole one glance here and another glance there as if it opened up different facets to her.

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I, the skilled playboy that I am, remained silent and observed the proceedings in awe. Her protruding rucksack hit me sometimes as a reminder from my inner Barney Stinson to start up a conversation. I did, in my head of course as the hawker raved on about his “quality cotton maal” in the background.

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I don’t know if it was fact or fiction, but after a few moments, I saw her conversing with another guy. A flurry of emotions wrapped around my brain as if to make folly out of my failures. I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry.

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There was nothing romantic, or there was I don’t know! But at that very moment, I realised what could have been! There are so many people, we don’t know, who could have been so much more, if only…

I didn’t know if she knew him or she did not (please be the former), honestly I don’t care! She was all smiles and so was he.

Is this a tale of love lost or stalking gained I don’t know. But what I do know is that trillion tales have been told of this style but very few are actually experienced.

Everything it seems stopped that day, for them, for me; except the train, which wasn’t supposed to stop at Konnagar (which I remembered after getting down at Bally).

What have I done! What have I done! What have I done!

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https://goo.gl/duWvMP

 

Oh God!

The darkness of the stage is broken by a momentary flash of blinding light and loud cracks.

emptystage

The light silhouetted darkness is now pervaded by two characters who enter from both ends.

[drum roll]

enter Oh and God!

Oh, a highly cynical lady of age surveys her surroundings and keeps stuttering towards the middle of the stage while letting out a puff or two. On reaching, her eyes fall on a young man who wore deep purple robes, a cap and a shiny long necklace, which was the cause of much amusement for the lady.

Capture

God!, a young lad, most probably a teenager, perhaps the calmest one there ever was; casually strolls into the stage and looks at the smoking old lady dressed in a curious manner. Her head was covered by a cloth, like a hippie! He couldn’t control his chuckle and let out a loud sneer.

young-catholic-priest-praying-studio-portrait-isolated-white-background-44538138

[The coincidental bursts of not so subtle scorn swiftly gained their ways into each other’s ears.]

[Long pause and melodious violin plays as the characters start to dance towards each other and stop at once when they meet]

Oh: So, why do you dress in such a fancy manner eh? RELIGIOUS ARE YOU? Don’t you know that there is nothing called God! How can you be so backwards that in spite of living in the modern times you still cling on to these ancient beliefs? Allow me to illuminate you, YOUNG MAN!

There is no proof about God! Science triumphed way back when Darwin paraded the minds of the intellectuals with his groundbreaking theories! And yet, you crackpots…still believe that someone is up there who created us, eh? Do you even Science, huh?

Religion was introduced as a mean of oppression to thwart the voices of the subaltern! It was nothing more than a fancy narrative, meant for striking fear in the hearts of the laymen. The oppressors enjoyed the shunning of these classes as that allowed them to reap the fruits of their “sinned” lives! How else do you explain the concepts of sin and retribution or whatever measures they have for wiping sin away in a jiffy!

And, you know what, all of y’all think that your faith tells the absolute truth and all the others are absolute nonsense! And that’s MY BOY is the root of all evils in the modern society!!!!!! The devastating wars are wiping the universe of anything human that is left in society, Why doesn’t your God look after us now? Do you have an answer you ignorant fool?

[The young man, after a long period of constant ranting, finally opens his mouth while fingering the insides of his ear]

God!: Calm down madam, such rage is not good for your pursuit to heaven.

[The lady’s face turns purple and she prepares to throw her walking stick but decides against it at the end]

Why are you so angry madame? The evil forces have taken your soul over I am sorry to say. I do understand what you’re trying to say, madame.

See, we, the so-called religious people do understand the reason for your frustration as you all will never be accepted by the almighty. So, you all decided to rant against him to hide your deep seated angsts.

[The lady manages to keep her cool, in spite of shaking vigorously with anger]

And with your science stuff, with all due respect madame, your lot are always coming up with new explanations and theories every day…

Which one do we believe?

Are the modern explanations true? Not even you can guarantee that! Can you?

Coming to the tortures and making others to forcefully believe in your belief,

Is that not what you were doing to me till now?

[The lady opens her mouth and every sane living being could foretell the ranting that she’d be going on right now]


But, whoops!!! Powercut !

All the cast and crew are left irritated with this mishap, the room was pitch black.

The final rehearsal of “Oh God!” sadly met an abrupt end.

The director was forced to scream “Pack-up!” and promised that he would try and squeeze in another session or two before the first screening of the already full house production!

The main characters Oh (played by Adidi Warrens) and God!(played by Hitchen Dawkins) were left disgruntled but hugged each other out after a virtual phase of mutual scorn.

Before leaving the set, Hitchen came running towards Adidi and returned her cross necklace which she takes everyday to church. He almost threw the necklace to her and ran homewards.

“Have some respect!” the lady yelled.

“You and your religion..ugh!” came the reply.


Rumour has it that never again were actors so committed.

One can show their bodies in spite of reluctance but,

Can one reluctantly acknowledge the other side of their beliefs?  

holding-hands

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Commonly Uncommon

We have a man with us today, a common man, just like you and I; but, today he made a fatal mistake: he entered a Modern Art Gallery.

I didn’t know how he committed that howler, till he told me just now. It seems that his mind had plunged into the great depths of depression. I should not make fun out the follies and failures of my subjects but this incident was something a little too special to keep it from sharing it with y’all.

A storm was brewing, so the layman sought refuge under a grey canopy. Some five minutes later he was caught off guard as few uninvited droplets embraced his cheeks like a pin on a cushion. Betrayed by the shed, he decided to move and that is when he noticed a glimmer at the corner of his eyes. He rolled them eyeballs to look at a sign in subtle blinking neon: “Musée des Beaux Arts”.

common-man

He looked in awe, not at the sign, but trying to imagine the possible pronunciations of the foreign script which seemed like English. And then the unthinkable happened; to the incredible incomprehension of the old gods and new, he, the ordinary man decided to step foot inside the hallowed grounds of the modern art museum.

The security guard looked at him with a solemn brow and cheeks pale to the very lips as if to say: “What on the seven continents are you doing here?”

But he ignored all the possible omens and with a denim reminding his passersby about what he had last night, a shirt too tight and a misspelt Starbucks cup, he entered the infamous place.

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He felt like the only sane person in an asylum as the glances from all possible directions were shot at him as if he was a platter of delicious meat waiting to be fed to hungry lions.

With trembling limbs and a wearing, a shawl of naivety he proceeded in his business but the tragedy was that he didn’t know what it was.

The strangest of objects surrounded him and it was supposed to be art for it had classy Italian names.

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From empty frames, 3-D burgers to random stones behind glass panels everything was supposed to be a piece of modern art.

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Moving on from every piece to another, it seemed to the innocent man that his life was flashing before his eyes and questioning every decision that he has ever made.

With every piece of art came a connoisseur, upon whom the gods had bestowed the duty to evaluate true art whose knowledge they get from the back covers of the reputed books. They are obviously rich, otherwise, how can you appreciate art? Have customary long and unkempt beards, resembling the forlorn lovers of Shakespeare and wear the trousers which surely were an heirloom. The half moon Dumbledor-ish glasses certainly add to their expertise. The long flowing ethnic top wear with gibberish decor fits right into place.

One such species was explaining a rather curious piece of art: a pair of glasses which were lying on a stand just beside the washroom. Our man edged closer to his heart on his hands and listened with intent at the random throws of a little Derrida here and a little Foucault there.

Then, the unthinkable happened, an old man stepped out of the washroom and was taken aback by the humdrum near the glasses, then he lowered his hat, wore ‘his’ glasses and left at once.

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The world stopped rotating, everyone’s hearts skipped a beat, no one looked at one another, they all ran in other directions and started to sob. The common man stood still, his nouveau knowledge about the -“isms” and its appreciations went for a toss, he ran outside and screamed and kept running till he reached here.

-A CYNICAL GOBBLEDYGOOKER

Inspired by true events: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/may/27/pair-of-glasses-left-on-us-gallery-floor-mistaken-for-art

Source of Images:

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N EEEW! YEAR

Before furnishing me with a garland made of various invectives from every part of speech, allow me to justify myself.

No! This special message won’t have pixelated beams shooting from every possible direction of the screen. So, what is it?

At the swansong of the years that has gone by and those that are going to go by, people have and will stuff their heads with unnecessary optimism, as if the next year is going be a Karan Johar movie. Nothing different is the scenario this year, as the end beckons the same scripted statuses spring up on Facebook displaying their empyreal will power.

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(I am not even mentioning the messages on Whatsapp, by the way, Who invented GIFs? If you know him/her(to please the feminists) Kindly inform him/her to meet me on the sidewalk.)

People have hopes in such height that even gravity can’t help but be seduced to make it come crashing down. Clearly, that does not happen and it’s the root cause of unhappiness in our lives.

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P.S- Ardent John Oliver fans know what I am talking about by now

Take 2016 for example, which is an embodiment of the word ‘disappointment’.

Let’s roll back a little bit in not a very chronological manner, shall we?

(Didn’t have much of a choice there did you?)

2016’s feathers in its cap were,

Unleashing the deadly Zika virus and threatening the foetuses, actually, you did a generous deed here, you spared the pain of those to enter this hell on earth a.k.a 2016.

All the merciless hate crimes that you unleashed upon thousands of innocents in the name of God.

17argo

That Migrant Crisis bro?

Why do you need to clear so much space in the middle east?

For Rohit Shetty to blow up cars? Huh?

And why did you exactly collapse that bridge? Needed a new Slide?

And, man oh man oh man… I am not getting into Politics…. What were you smokin’ man?

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I don’t who was the script writer for this year but I must this that you’re no less than a sadist, taking away all our beloved people: our sorrow makes you sneer doesn’t it?

The entire year was nothing but a never ending funeral!

I won’t give a big list, but no matter what u try, we will remember them, “ALWAYS”!

 

if-you-cant-handle-me-at-my-worst-you-dont-deserve-my-dank-memes-32-photos-24

That wasn’t even 2016 in a nutshell! You still have hopes for 2017?

So, please don’t have so many expectations for this year, think of it as the worst year ever! Come What may, we will survive as we always have!

But, I won’t take this rant any further coz I found this on google,

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I’m Jus Sayin! xD

NOW

I finally I can say….

 A VERY VERY UNHAPPY NEW  YEAR

TO YOU!

Please make way, I need to listen to my ‘Angel’ once more to see ‘Eye to Eye’ again!

“Hey

Hodor! Please hold the door for me, I need to get out

Thanks, Mate.”

Courtesy

Carryminati,EIC,Youtube Spotlight,Watch Mojo,Actualol,Last Week Tonight,Syracuse.com

and Google Images.

 

 

 

Webbed

The mouse made its characteristic ‘click’ sound for the gazillions time, except this time nothing happened, I repeat…Nothing Happened. The user couldn’t believe his eyes and his brain had already started processing all kinds of expletives directed towards the internet service provider. The same task was repeated, and repeated, and repeated again….The lips of the user started to contort in all possible shapes and sizes accompanied by a symphony of musically sounding words alongside some misdirected saliva which went in all possible directions known to mankind.

Oh! What an Orchestra!

The sense kicked in after the temple went back to its hood. Something must be the problem, but how? Even the Wi-Fi wasn’t down!!

Oh Gosh! The Internet’s down!

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He got up with caution, took the phone out from his pocket and looked into an unfamiliar empty Wi-Fi symbol. He tried to call his mates, but couldn’t as the Google ID’s weren’t accessible without the net. Ridiculously enough, he also thought of writing letters but that would require papers….that’s imaginary…it also won’t show the last seen on if the receiver has read it or not, so there was no point in sending a letter.

So, he had to do one of the most daring tasks that a man can possibly to do in his entire life…

Go out and talk with people.

He couldn’t go out just like that you know, certain precautions must be considered. He puts on his brand new “PSUEDO₂ LIFE JACKET”, his good old GAS MASK. There you go, the modern knight in not so shining an armour was ready to sail the high seas! He had to a get a new life you know as the last one’s carbon filter got badly damaged and the spares were out of stock!

He opens the main door, a stream of particles try to rush in, but is immediately gulped in by the High Maintenance Dust Absorber. He gropes his way through the ordinary smog, pity that the day vision goggles are offline!

He sees a Bar, God is Kind! He rushes in to see lots of people glued in front of the TV set. Everyone was there, the girl who he had left swiped on Tinder to the one who had blocked him on Whatsapp.

“Hi” he says while unplugging his life support (he noticed the “Air Available” sign at the back), then re realised that real life conversations are a little a more, what do I say…umm, Elaborate!

“What’s happening?”

-“The friggin World Wide Web is down, that’s what’s happening!”

“So, it wasn’t only me then…whoof!”

-“The whole country is down sonny, we are waiting for the president to give a speech.”

Soon, they started talking, having pints of beers, playing dart…what not!

After the President had spoken, everyone knew that people are calling it an e-pocalypse and that all the data from the internet was wiped away by a major hardware breakdown which might be due to a deadly virus. Everyone in the pub had a grim face, thinking that everything had to be redone while some where just happy as they had been sending a lot of ‘themselves’ on Snapchat! Maybe it was God who decided to wash the sins of the internet as there were lots of the ‘explicit’ stuff going on, which was a little too much to handle.

The word ‘Social’ got back its meaning only after all the Social Networking sites went offline!

An excited young man entered the pub with a characteristic ‘ting’ sound of the bell… “We are back online sir!” he yelled.

“Can’t you see we’re chatting here?” came a reply from the corner and everyone roared with laughter.

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image courtesy:google images

 

 

 

 

PUJO

INDIyeAh the Fourth

The sweet smell of Shiuli’s mingled with the tunes of high flyer’s amidst the azure backdrop casts a spell on our minds. That spell is also known as ‘Pujo Pujo feeling’. It drives our monotonous minds to a wonderland, free from all shackles and boundaries, much like that nightingale of the yore.

If you are a Bengali, you know what I am talking about,

If you aren’t one, then also you know what I am talking about.

The lyadhkhor (laziness^tan 90) Bengali finds incredible energy from some ethereal source to go on an errand of endless pandal hopping.


The festival is an elaborate one, which begins at the tithi of ‘Mahalaya’,

It officially marks the start of Durga Pujo with the advent of ‘Devipokkho’.

During this time we finally remember about that good old radio which had probably been collecting dust at some almirah top or the other. The Bengali cleans it and puts new batteries in for that revered baritone of 

Birendra Krishna Bhadra.
At 4 am sharp,

with attention rapt, he listens to the divine recitations… (Also sleeps after 5 minutes)!!

And so, the pujo spirit kicks in and mind gets more “uru uru” by the day!

This year I heard people where flocking to the pandals as early as ‘Tritiya’!! Thank God Pujo doesn’t begin from ‘Shosti’ anymore!

On the day of ‘Shosti’, I was standing in this huge queue at the Sovabazar Metro and in front of me was this elderly gentleman also waiting to take the metro to see the now infamous Deshopriyo Park’s Durga idol. I approached the octogenarian and warned him about the immense rush, he calmly replied, “That is what I am going to see!”
That reply really took me off guard, I mean, isn’t that what’s the spirit of festivity is all about?

The huge gatherings, the night outs (though I couldn’t attend one this year, damn you rains!), the clamours,the sound of dhak which resonates with your heart,the incredibly loud-speakers which echo throughout the ‘para’…we don’t get to witness these everyday…do we?

Standing in huge lines to get a good look at the idol whilst ogling at numerous other ones is truly a great pleasure.

Nihilists, Pessimists and Escapists will always want to get away as festivity, positivity and celebration are too much for them.

The ‘Ashtomi Anjali’ is an event of much interest, as people dress up in their traditional ‘biye bari’ attire to please the ‘shey’ and gather to recite mantras which one does not have a clue what it’s all about. It’s a day of consuming vegetarian items as if we would.  

:3 :v

The day of ‘Ashtomi’ has another importance, that is reality check!

After going overboard on ‘Ponchomi’,’Shosti’ and ‘Shoptomi’… ‘Ashtomi’ looks you in the eye and says “Pujo is going to be over soon bro!”

The day that follows,’Nobomi’ is a day of living the moment with that hint of underlying fear of the approaching ‘Doshomi’.


It also features the much heroic ‘dhunuchi naach’-attempted only by professionals!!

Slowly, no…. not slowly, at the speed of light comes ‘Doshomi’,and we wait with heavy hearts to see our maa being immersed in the holy waters.

let’s face it we all hate ‘Doshomi’, people might show you smiling pictures of people rubbing ‘abir’ on each other after having stuffed the idol with deserts, but believe me, they are not happy, it is not humanly possible to smile on a ‘Doshomi’.

So, that’s how it ends folks, leaving us in a trance for some period of time when we are not sure,
Who we are? Where are we? Why we are?

It takes a lot of time to recover from the post pujo depression,

to see the pandals being deconstructed, ughhhh!

Still, light can be found in the darkest of times if one knows where to look

And that’s when we regain our enthusiasm, gather the last drops of optimism and shout with all our might…

“Asche Bochor Abar Hobe”

The images used in this article are obtained from google images.

KYA MOCAMBO KHUSH HUA?

“While in the merry month of September from me home I started,
Left the girls of Tuam so sad and broken hearted,
Saluted father dear, kissed me darling mother,
Drank a pint of beer, me grief and tears to smother,
Then off to reap the corn, leave where I was born,
Cut a stout black thorn to banish ghosts and goblins;
Bought a pair of brogues rattling o’er the bogs
And fright’ning all the dogs on the rocky road to MOCAMBO.”

-SAID THE DRIVER OF DILSHAN HEMNANI after being ousted from the “so called” posh diner on Park Street. The poor chauffeur was “supposedly” shabbily dressed as marked by the officials of the personal biscuit makers of Queen Elizabeth.

This man was denied entry to this restaurant because of his dress and inability to speak English.

Really?

These are the people who watch nothing but Set Max on Sooryavansham (you read that right) at night while having Rajma Chawal and behave like Colin Firth in Kingsman the next morning.

They must take some kind some kind of pills (remember Matrix?) in between to undergo such a drastic change in such a short period of time.

BLIMEY!

Even if the dress makes a tiny bit of sense, the fact that inability of speaking English is actually taken into consideration is just mind-blowing!

I feel like barging into that place, hold a knife at some guy’s throat and ask about the difference between “your” and “you’re”!

How can this be a thing in a third world country like ours!

Look at Germany, Russia, China… they use their own language and just look at their development!!

Then there’s us who await the premier of “Mem Bou” in Star Jalsha.

No wonder they wanted “Dugna Lagan”!

For the sake of the conspiracy theorists, let’s consider the stuff on social media to be true!

The Restaurant Page has allegedly stated that the people who use the vernaculars are either uneducated or belongs from a backward society….

I won’t say much about this but this is why Suarez bites people and Ranjit Mullick calls Koel for the much dreaded “belt”!

Rabindranath had once met an old friend when he was in England, he was blabbing in English all the time, after he finished Rabindranath calmly said

“Alas! You didn’t learn English properly and forgot Bengali as well”

Apply cold water on that burnt area bro; they don’t call him Kabiguru for nothin’!

This is exactly the case of our present day society; we have become oblivious to our moral code and mother tongue but have adopted an alien culture in a rather obscure manner.

Enough said, gimme a break already!

Excuse me please while I gently put on my Oxford’s, button my Louis Vitton, and leave for our very own KAKU’R CHA r DOKAN…

P.S-They only serve Earl Grey!

I hope that you’re hale and hearty and consumin’ no ale.

Thus far and no further, more when we meet at Starbucks!

Whoooops….

Till then,

(removes the bowler hat)

Cheerio Mate!

-THE CYNICAL GOBBLEDEGOOKER

(Lyrics used at the start is that of-

Dubliners – Rocky Road To Dublin Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Image Courtesy-Google)

 

wait for none

SWEAT          FATIGUE          PAIN          DARKNESS

HAS ENGULFED THE BOOZE HUNTING HIPPIES,

People are going crazy and are screaming at the top of their voice…

“PUSH THE DAMN THING!!! HARDER!!!! YOU ………….!!!! PUSH IT!!“

You might be wondering if I am describing a scene of sadism, NO!

The Folks at this little town have gone bollocks and are trying to find a solution to a certain problem…

But why does it involve so much pushing?

Well, allow me to tell you from the start, it’s a short one , please bear with me…

 

The procrastinating perverts of TEMPSTOWN  have a new problem to deal with, two huge interconnected pieces of logs, one slightly longer, has appeared out of nowhere in the middle of the damn circular street.

Usually, people have come up with varied explanations, the weirdest of them claim it to be the “toothpick of the gods”.

Now, let me tell you the folks here are just like the playas from Sleepy Hollow sans that ghost or whatever the hell it was.

These bloody logs have obstructed the people from going to their favourite brothels, and there isn’t a way around, so, they have come to the conclusion that they will have to push the logs out of the way and that’s the first work that these lazybones are going to do in their lifetime, yes lifetime!!

They while away their time hunting Pokémon’s and turning their faces into the so-called pieces of art.

There are always cheats, and in Tempstown its no exception, in order to feed their horses, some dudes tried to jump over dem logs to go to the other side, but it isn’t as simple as you think,

No sooner did they land, they were shot right back at the end of the road in full pace.

I was standing there all along and didn’t even utter a single word, but this incident was way too much for me to bear, I asked the stout bearded man who was standing next to me about this fuss, he replied

“Suhm’(some) nuht(nut)  shaoued(showed) uuup(up)  todaee(today) mornin’(morning) and saaaid(said)

Yer TIME starts now and you be mah(my) Chienne now!”

They have to do their work on time from now on!

Tick tock Tick tock…