Kaashi: the city that wasn’t!

Kaashi, or Varanasi, is one of those places to surely feature on anyone’s Freudian bucket list.

It is one of the oldest cities in the world and it makes sure you understand that while roaming about in its organic lanes and by lanes and by by by lanes and so on.  My last trip to this place wasn’t my first, but I can say that it was the first time I looked at it through my own eyes. I won’t be documenting the various places of “so-called” worship because everyone does that.

The hotel where we stayed this time was a remarkable one (hold your hats folks!). It made me wonder about a lot of things, most of all, I wondered if Dante had decided to include the 10th circle of hell, it would have been something like our place! Sounds Warm, doesn’t it?

I am not really a shutterbug, but an entire canvas of myriad experiences made me want to document this unusual journey.

I have heard a lot of talks, especially from the foreigners that they come to Varanasi to “find” themselves! This time I realised a teeny tiny bit of how that happens. One fine evening, I found myself sulking in the audience of the evening prayer, which happens at the ghats. Therefore, I decided to take a walk by the ghats and explore the literal margin of this antique city. I jammed my earphones in and started to walk. What song was I listening to you ask? Oh, I was listening to American Idiot by Green Day. Is this Globalisation? Multiculturalism? Post Modernism? Frankly, I don’t care.

Look at this boat, sailing the lands forever!

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If you stand with your back towards the river and look up towards the skyline, believe me, for a moment I thought I was there in favelas of Brazil!

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Nature, I believe, has its own rhetoric. A place called “juice bar” is promoting their brand by showing the way to the burning ghat of all places. I am not going to elaborate on this beautiful irony and destroy your poetry.

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Let me remind you, this graffiti is in Varanasi, beside the Vishwanath temple, on the lap of the Ganga.

I’m j-u-s-t saying!

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These two holy souls are here seen drawing their daily dose of inspiration from a heavenly conflict between Ray Mysterio and Randy Orton.

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I have never had the guts to visit a burial ground, you can call me a coward in that respect. But, here, an inexplicable urge led me on towards that “fatal” place. Is this the force that nature has? Was this what Wordsworth meant?

I kept moving, felt more alive as I did. And when I reached I felt a wave of souls moving through my body. Scores of logs were stacked on all the sides, as the vehicles for the dead. Looking at them made me wonder, someday some log would be mine too!

I don’t really know if dusty the real term to describe the place, because the dust has- me, you, and everyone: the biggest family on earth.

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Bodies piled on another, wrapped in white, all set to be launched into eternity. A “grave” situation you’d wonder, right? I am not sure if I can say that because as the enlightenment was dawning upon me, my castle of glass was immediately shattered by a nonchalant tea seller nasal screaming “lebuuu chaiii” (lemon tea). Oh yes, who wouldn’t want refreshment while disposing of the dead!

The power of this place was such that I wanted to go there day after day to drink life from the dead.

Also, every damn creepy house I saw above a few flights of steps, I thought that it was the abode of the great MOCHLI BABA! ALAS! I never found it. Sad.

I have finally reached a moo point

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amar kotha ti furolo
note gaach ti murolo

By the way this was the most stylish guy I found there:

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oh, the swagger!

All the pictures as you have already noticed are shaky. No! I am not imitating Mrinal Sen or something. It’s just that I wanted to give a feel of the bustling life through these pictures. The city was moving and so was I.  This definitely not all, from a personal perspective, this trip also featured one of the best co-incidences I have ever seen in my life. I couldn’t believe something so poetic could ever happen to me! What the co-incidence you wonder? Maybe, I will tell you someday over coffee, but it has to be your treat!

I hope you enjoyed this trip.

 

 

 

Finding the Calling

A play of sorts in one act

Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, attention please, A red digital clock at Howrah station platform no.3 showed 4:29; the diabolical figure resonated through his mind, as missing the 4:30 local….oh the horror! He dragged his over-exhausted right leg amidst the sea of people and managed to somehow scamper into the much dreaded first compartment.

Boy: Phew! That was so close!

Narrator: His momentary inflated ego was crushed immediately by a nonchalant hawker who shrugged him off as if he wasn’t there.

Boy: Heyy! Can’t you see me? Huh?

Narrator: No brother, you’re John Cena. (pause) Just as he had managed a decent standing place, saw something very odd lurking in a general compartment, (bold sarcastic voice) two young ladies (yay!).

Boy: Oh crap! She is looking at me!

Girl1: Umm…will the train stop at konnagar?

Boy (blabbering): Well! The train, madam, stops at every station but you know, the journey never ends.

Just like love, it goes on and on and on…

Girl1: stupid! (aside)

Boy: (to the audience)

Forget trains!

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in love, must say yes to everything at first. And…I think…yes, I am in Love.

Narrator: She was not the one for the poets and it was exactly that which made everything so poetic.

Girl1 (to Girl2): Why is he being so weird?

Girl2 (smiles while looking at the boy through the corner of her eye; speaks distractedly): What do YOU think? … well, you should know!

Girl1: NO, I mean..umm …wait! What do you mean by that?

Girl2: Ummm… nothing.. well, I prefer speaking in innuendoes you know!

Girl1: INNUENDOES???   Ughhh!! You and your “MILLS AND BOONS”!

Narrator: The switch my friend is ON!

Girl1: No INNUENDOS and for your kind information No Love Story here..

Girl2: By the way… When did I say it’s a LOVE story? Huh?

Boy (sudden excitement and despair): Oh GOD! I can’t find my phone! (to Girl1; panting) Excuse me! Can you please give me a missed call?

Girl2(whispers): Ahem! Ahem! Divine intervention you see…

Boy: Well, yeah… I do understand it’s awkward for you, please help me out here…

Girl1: Why do you think brother I will help you? Do you think I’m a nun in some Cathedral ready to help everyone?

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Boy (whispers): What! Brother!
(aloud): Okay, sorry to brother you… I mean to bother you… wait! Why should I be sorry? A nun is never bothered anyway. After all, she’s the harbinger of love.

Girl2: Whoa!.. is something on fire? Or someone diss-appointed?

Narrator: On hitting call after moments of reluctant dialling… the compartment was instantly graced by the tunes of “Can’t Help falling in Love”, thanks to the Chinese speakers! (pause) After few moments of rampant rummaging, our boy discovers his device, lying below a seat and picks up in the blink of an eye.

Boy: Thanks… (whispers) It is truly said that one can never predict them… (pause) Okay, sorry, don’t mind…

Narrator: She smiles away with her friend on another side of the compartment; leaving the boy red-faced. Thank god for the climax, that was one intensely boring narration! So, ladies and gentlemen, that was our—-

Girl2 (interrupts the narrator): Hey, narrator! You didn’t tell the full story?

Narrator: What story? My script ends here!

*gestures “she is crazy” to the audience*

Girl2 (to the audience; *Girl1 and Boy high-fives*): Allow me to finish it then, and take you all into the future (points at Girl1 while she hides her face)you know “A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment.” Well, what started as a mutual admiration laced with scorn has ended with the two smiling.

Narrator: What are you talking about?

Girl2: Can’t you see the mutual glimmer in their eyes? The glimmer of happiness

Narrator: Happiness! A thing which started as an act of incivility has culminated otherwise? Really!

Boy: See sometimes even a simple start can…

Girl1: …lead to a story!

Boy: (to the audience):

Well, everything said and done,

I hope you had much fun;

I would now like to conclude by saying this—

So as to leave you all in bliss:

You might as now well think, that I had kept the phone there on purpose…..

Well….. Did I?

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-FIN-

 

This was performed as a closet drama by the SA Jaipuria team at Shri Shikshayatan College.

It is inspired by Com Partment:  https://thepenarchist.wordpress.com/2017/08/23/com-partment/

, originally written by Samya Brata Roy.

However, it was adapted for the performance by a lot of people:

Samya Brata Roy

Srija Chakraborty

Susmita Roy Chaudhuri

Shreya Banerjee

Chandrani Sanyal

and last but not the least

Mr Bimal Chakraborty or as we lovingly call him Bimal sir.

We enjoyed working on it so much that we even plan to release a video of it in the near future.

image courtesies

https://goo.gl/uSmwEw

https://goo.gl/WaMTh2

https://goo.gl/pC4jU7

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh God!

The darkness of the stage is broken by a momentary flash of blinding light and loud cracks.

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The light silhouetted darkness is now pervaded by two characters who enter from both ends.

[drum roll]

enter Oh and God!

Oh, a highly cynical lady of age surveys her surroundings and keeps stuttering towards the middle of the stage while letting out a puff or two. On reaching, her eyes fall on a young man who wore deep purple robes, a cap and a shiny long necklace, which was the cause of much amusement for the lady.

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God!, a young lad, most probably a teenager, perhaps the calmest one there ever was; casually strolls into the stage and looks at the smoking old lady dressed in a curious manner. Her head was covered by a cloth, like a hippie! He couldn’t control his chuckle and let out a loud sneer.

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[The coincidental bursts of not so subtle scorn swiftly gained their ways into each other’s ears.]

[Long pause and melodious violin plays as the characters start to dance towards each other and stop at once when they meet]

Oh: So, why do you dress in such a fancy manner eh? RELIGIOUS ARE YOU? Don’t you know that there is nothing called God! How can you be so backwards that in spite of living in the modern times you still cling on to these ancient beliefs? Allow me to illuminate you, YOUNG MAN!

There is no proof about God! Science triumphed way back when Darwin paraded the minds of the intellectuals with his groundbreaking theories! And yet, you crackpots…still believe that someone is up there who created us, eh? Do you even Science, huh?

Religion was introduced as a mean of oppression to thwart the voices of the subaltern! It was nothing more than a fancy narrative, meant for striking fear in the hearts of the laymen. The oppressors enjoyed the shunning of these classes as that allowed them to reap the fruits of their “sinned” lives! How else do you explain the concepts of sin and retribution or whatever measures they have for wiping sin away in a jiffy!

And, you know what, all of y’all think that your faith tells the absolute truth and all the others are absolute nonsense! And that’s MY BOY is the root of all evils in the modern society!!!!!! The devastating wars are wiping the universe of anything human that is left in society, Why doesn’t your God look after us now? Do you have an answer you ignorant fool?

[The young man, after a long period of constant ranting, finally opens his mouth while fingering the insides of his ear]

God!: Calm down madam, such rage is not good for your pursuit to heaven.

[The lady’s face turns purple and she prepares to throw her walking stick but decides against it at the end]

Why are you so angry madame? The evil forces have taken your soul over I am sorry to say. I do understand what you’re trying to say, madame.

See, we, the so-called religious people do understand the reason for your frustration as you all will never be accepted by the almighty. So, you all decided to rant against him to hide your deep seated angsts.

[The lady manages to keep her cool, in spite of shaking vigorously with anger]

And with your science stuff, with all due respect madame, your lot are always coming up with new explanations and theories every day…

Which one do we believe?

Are the modern explanations true? Not even you can guarantee that! Can you?

Coming to the tortures and making others to forcefully believe in your belief,

Is that not what you were doing to me till now?

[The lady opens her mouth and every sane living being could foretell the ranting that she’d be going on right now]


But, whoops!!! Powercut !

All the cast and crew are left irritated with this mishap, the room was pitch black.

The final rehearsal of “Oh God!” sadly met an abrupt end.

The director was forced to scream “Pack-up!” and promised that he would try and squeeze in another session or two before the first screening of the already full house production!

The main characters Oh (played by Adidi Warrens) and God!(played by Hitchen Dawkins) were left disgruntled but hugged each other out after a virtual phase of mutual scorn.

Before leaving the set, Hitchen came running towards Adidi and returned her cross necklace which she takes everyday to church. He almost threw the necklace to her and ran homewards.

“Have some respect!” the lady yelled.

“You and your religion..ugh!” came the reply.


Rumour has it that never again were actors so committed.

One can show their bodies in spite of reluctance but,

Can one reluctantly acknowledge the other side of their beliefs?  

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image courtesies:

https://goo.gl/rjpHwC

https://goo.gl/PVIurj

https://goo.gl/tEbhET

https://goo.gl/EoPpel

https://goo.gl/zmmNUO

 

 

 

 

Commonly Uncommon

We have a man with us today, a common man, just like you and I; but, today he made a fatal mistake: he entered a Modern Art Gallery.

I didn’t know how he committed that howler, till he told me just now. It seems that his mind had plunged into the great depths of depression. I should not make fun out the follies and failures of my subjects but this incident was something a little too special to keep it from sharing it with y’all.

A storm was brewing, so the layman sought refuge under a grey canopy. Some five minutes later he was caught off guard as few uninvited droplets embraced his cheeks like a pin on a cushion. Betrayed by the shed, he decided to move and that is when he noticed a glimmer at the corner of his eyes. He rolled them eyeballs to look at a sign in subtle blinking neon: “Musée des Beaux Arts”.

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He looked in awe, not at the sign, but trying to imagine the possible pronunciations of the foreign script which seemed like English. And then the unthinkable happened; to the incredible incomprehension of the old gods and new, he, the ordinary man decided to step foot inside the hallowed grounds of the modern art museum.

The security guard looked at him with a solemn brow and cheeks pale to the very lips as if to say: “What on the seven continents are you doing here?”

But he ignored all the possible omens and with a denim reminding his passersby about what he had last night, a shirt too tight and a misspelt Starbucks cup, he entered the infamous place.

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He felt like the only sane person in an asylum as the glances from all possible directions were shot at him as if he was a platter of delicious meat waiting to be fed to hungry lions.

With trembling limbs and a wearing, a shawl of naivety he proceeded in his business but the tragedy was that he didn’t know what it was.

The strangest of objects surrounded him and it was supposed to be art for it had classy Italian names.

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From empty frames, 3-D burgers to random stones behind glass panels everything was supposed to be a piece of modern art.

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Moving on from every piece to another, it seemed to the innocent man that his life was flashing before his eyes and questioning every decision that he has ever made.

With every piece of art came a connoisseur, upon whom the gods had bestowed the duty to evaluate true art whose knowledge they get from the back covers of the reputed books. They are obviously rich, otherwise, how can you appreciate art? Have customary long and unkempt beards, resembling the forlorn lovers of Shakespeare and wear the trousers which surely were an heirloom. The half moon Dumbledor-ish glasses certainly add to their expertise. The long flowing ethnic top wear with gibberish decor fits right into place.

One such species was explaining a rather curious piece of art: a pair of glasses which were lying on a stand just beside the washroom. Our man edged closer to his heart on his hands and listened with intent at the random throws of a little Derrida here and a little Foucault there.

Then, the unthinkable happened, an old man stepped out of the washroom and was taken aback by the humdrum near the glasses, then he lowered his hat, wore ‘his’ glasses and left at once.

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The world stopped rotating, everyone’s hearts skipped a beat, no one looked at one another, they all ran in other directions and started to sob. The common man stood still, his nouveau knowledge about the -“isms” and its appreciations went for a toss, he ran outside and screamed and kept running till he reached here.

-A CYNICAL GOBBLEDYGOOKER

Inspired by true events: https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2016/may/27/pair-of-glasses-left-on-us-gallery-floor-mistaken-for-art

Source of Images:

https://goo.gl/mJurQf

https://goo.gl/ZiY8Co

https://goo.gl/SDk6oP

https://goo.gl/rgQUjd

https://goo.gl/VgSDN4

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SEARCHING

The ‘chamber’ was up in flames; every nook and corner of the much dreaded ‘machine’ set ablaze by the monster himself. The entire place was drenched with the stench of ‘crudity’. He couldn’t take it anymore, his universe seemed to crumble in front of his eyes and he could do nothing about it.

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His mouth is shut and he must scream, his feet are tied and he must run.

The contradictions of his life had shot through the roof so he decided to burn. Empowered with many theories and fictions alike, it was the only suitable option left for him.

He shaved his hair, trimmed his nails and took a long bath to try and clean himself for the ‘final cleansing’.

He felt his senses alienating themselves from his body as he started to devour them, one at a time. Having ripped himself to the ‘bare essentials’ he began his journey in the search for truth.

A foot long trail of blood formed like a red carpet behind him as he walked to welcome anyone who was willing to accompany him.

The main ‘brain’ behind the whole operation was hidden in some deep dark dungeon and he had to overcome the obstacles of the soul in order to reach there.

So, when he came near, he wasn’t afraid, he dived forward and attacked it with all his might. One after the other he eliminated all his obstacles and was left only with the ‘brain’ behind the entire conspiracy.

As soon as he saw it, he felt a darkness, a tangible darkness engulfing him for eternity, but he wasn’t the one to give in so easily.

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He fought with all his might but couldn’t help as he had to rip out the heart from his body to survive in front of the brain, and so he did, as a heartless zombie!

The man was a man of letters and reason, anything without logic and explanations had no place in his life at all. Therefore he had set out on a quest to resolve and find the logic behind all the mysteries of the universe and so he did. He did get what he aspired for: complete rationality but a price had to be paid in return, a sacrifice had to be made; which was his subjectivity and individuality.

In his quest for rationality, he had given his all and had lost the ability to comprehend the basic pleasures and joys of life.

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image courtesies:

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https://goo.gl/QFaag9

N EEEW! YEAR

Before furnishing me with a garland made of various invectives from every part of speech, allow me to justify myself.

No! This special message won’t have pixelated beams shooting from every possible direction of the screen. So, what is it?

At the swansong of the years that has gone by and those that are going to go by, people have and will stuff their heads with unnecessary optimism, as if the next year is going be a Karan Johar movie. Nothing different is the scenario this year, as the end beckons the same scripted statuses spring up on Facebook displaying their empyreal will power.

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(I am not even mentioning the messages on Whatsapp, by the way, Who invented GIFs? If you know him/her(to please the feminists) Kindly inform him/her to meet me on the sidewalk.)

People have hopes in such height that even gravity can’t help but be seduced to make it come crashing down. Clearly, that does not happen and it’s the root cause of unhappiness in our lives.

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P.S- Ardent John Oliver fans know what I am talking about by now

Take 2016 for example, which is an embodiment of the word ‘disappointment’.

Let’s roll back a little bit in not a very chronological manner, shall we?

(Didn’t have much of a choice there did you?)

2016’s feathers in its cap were,

Unleashing the deadly Zika virus and threatening the foetuses, actually, you did a generous deed here, you spared the pain of those to enter this hell on earth a.k.a 2016.

All the merciless hate crimes that you unleashed upon thousands of innocents in the name of God.

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That Migrant Crisis bro?

Why do you need to clear so much space in the middle east?

For Rohit Shetty to blow up cars? Huh?

And why did you exactly collapse that bridge? Needed a new Slide?

And, man oh man oh man… I am not getting into Politics…. What were you smokin’ man?

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I don’t who was the script writer for this year but I must this that you’re no less than a sadist, taking away all our beloved people: our sorrow makes you sneer doesn’t it?

The entire year was nothing but a never ending funeral!

I won’t give a big list, but no matter what u try, we will remember them, “ALWAYS”!

 

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That wasn’t even 2016 in a nutshell! You still have hopes for 2017?

So, please don’t have so many expectations for this year, think of it as the worst year ever! Come What may, we will survive as we always have!

But, I won’t take this rant any further coz I found this on google,

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I’m Jus Sayin! xD

NOW

I finally I can say….

 A VERY VERY UNHAPPY NEW  YEAR

TO YOU!

Please make way, I need to listen to my ‘Angel’ once more to see ‘Eye to Eye’ again!

“Hey

Hodor! Please hold the door for me, I need to get out

Thanks, Mate.”

Courtesy

Carryminati,EIC,Youtube Spotlight,Watch Mojo,Actualol,Last Week Tonight,Syracuse.com

and Google Images.

 

 

 

CONSTRUE

*Writes something as epic as the description of hell in Paradise Lost*

Okay, something horrific and terrible is going on but I can’t tell you what coz…duh…Plot twist!!!

But don’t worry, no one is going to run around the mean streets of New York with nothing but the guidance of GPS at the end.

(Author can’t express due to insufficient vocabulary and extreme languorousness)

Okay I am tryin’

The Place was so dark that even darkness wasn’t visible and I was constantly hearing lots of people screaming and shouting. The only words that I could make out through the muffled screams were that they wanted to get out of that dark dungeon to get a glimpse of air and if possible breathe it in through the pages of their hearts.

Then something strange happened, I opened my eyes and what I saw left me speechless.

I was amongst the millions of those tired and frustrated souls out there.

I felt the consciousness filling my body as a freshly made tea fills the morning cuppa, but it didn’t  freshen me up nor did my eyes sparkle at that prospect, but it made me feel the pain that I was in, and that was the only time when I wished that I ceased to be.

The excruciating pain became more prominent by the moment, and interestingly enough when something pains it is then when you want to use it the most.

The dark scenario is still so vividly written in my mind that whenever someone tries to open me they see how badly someone had previously used me.

I don’t demand anything from them, nor do they give me, but they use me, time and time again, they laugh, cry and do what not in front of me while I only remain silent and provide the entertainment they desire. The truth my friend is that I am still inside that

Infernal hell hole with no one picks me up the remove the dust from my body.

Yes, I am ugly! Therefore have selected takers, people with different tastes who see what’s in me choose me and I try my best not to disappoint them.

People do judge a book by its cover, and me I am a bloody Book! And I have no cover because it has been replaced time and time again due to the wear and tear that our past masters have afflicted on us. But here I am, lying amidst my compatriots, in the woeful corner of this ancient book shop whose ancient owner sells ancient books.

Now, I really must go because the customer is asking for Franz Kafka’s Metamorphosis, and I know that is my name, it’s my turn again, after such a long time, to move about, tell that same old story, inflict some more marks of pains on myself and lower my value in that process. We will meet again but then it will be a long time my friend and then only will I see you again.

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 Image Courtesy: Google Images and Self

 

 

 

 

Webbed

The mouse made its characteristic ‘click’ sound for the gazillions time, except this time nothing happened, I repeat…Nothing Happened. The user couldn’t believe his eyes and his brain had already started processing all kinds of expletives directed towards the internet service provider. The same task was repeated, and repeated, and repeated again….The lips of the user started to contort in all possible shapes and sizes accompanied by a symphony of musically sounding words alongside some misdirected saliva which went in all possible directions known to mankind.

Oh! What an Orchestra!

The sense kicked in after the temple went back to its hood. Something must be the problem, but how? Even the Wi-Fi wasn’t down!!

Oh Gosh! The Internet’s down!

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He got up with caution, took the phone out from his pocket and looked into an unfamiliar empty Wi-Fi symbol. He tried to call his mates, but couldn’t as the Google ID’s weren’t accessible without the net. Ridiculously enough, he also thought of writing letters but that would require papers….that’s imaginary…it also won’t show the last seen on if the receiver has read it or not, so there was no point in sending a letter.

So, he had to do one of the most daring tasks that a man can possibly to do in his entire life…

Go out and talk with people.

He couldn’t go out just like that you know, certain precautions must be considered. He puts on his brand new “PSUEDO₂ LIFE JACKET”, his good old GAS MASK. There you go, the modern knight in not so shining an armour was ready to sail the high seas! He had to a get a new life you know as the last one’s carbon filter got badly damaged and the spares were out of stock!

He opens the main door, a stream of particles try to rush in, but is immediately gulped in by the High Maintenance Dust Absorber. He gropes his way through the ordinary smog, pity that the day vision goggles are offline!

He sees a Bar, God is Kind! He rushes in to see lots of people glued in front of the TV set. Everyone was there, the girl who he had left swiped on Tinder to the one who had blocked him on Whatsapp.

“Hi” he says while unplugging his life support (he noticed the “Air Available” sign at the back), then re realised that real life conversations are a little a more, what do I say…umm, Elaborate!

“What’s happening?”

-“The friggin World Wide Web is down, that’s what’s happening!”

“So, it wasn’t only me then…whoof!”

-“The whole country is down sonny, we are waiting for the president to give a speech.”

Soon, they started talking, having pints of beers, playing dart…what not!

After the President had spoken, everyone knew that people are calling it an e-pocalypse and that all the data from the internet was wiped away by a major hardware breakdown which might be due to a deadly virus. Everyone in the pub had a grim face, thinking that everything had to be redone while some where just happy as they had been sending a lot of ‘themselves’ on Snapchat! Maybe it was God who decided to wash the sins of the internet as there were lots of the ‘explicit’ stuff going on, which was a little too much to handle.

The word ‘Social’ got back its meaning only after all the Social Networking sites went offline!

An excited young man entered the pub with a characteristic ‘ting’ sound of the bell… “We are back online sir!” he yelled.

“Can’t you see we’re chatting here?” came a reply from the corner and everyone roared with laughter.

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image courtesy:google images

 

 

 

 

BY CHANCE

The sun was beating down that day and people were engaged in a thrilling chase, I don’t who was chasing whom but I was having a fun time watching them from up here!

I could recognise one guy, though, who blames every outcome of his life on me, he was the one leading the pack!

Mounted on horses and with shiny swords on their hands, they were headed to a bridge, all fast and furious!

I thought that they were after the guys on the other side of the bridge, who were rearranging themselves to live for a few minutes more.

As they were almost about to cross the bridge and land on the other side, something funny happened, the boys on the other side cut the suspension ropes somehow and made the bridge swing down. The soldiers started to slip and fall, some hurt, some dead,

I’ll deal with them later…

But this guy isn’t the one to give up, he leapt from the back of the horse with the gleaming sword in his hand

SWOOOOOSHHHHHH!

 

He had sliced thin air into pieces!

At the last moment, his adversary was GONE!

POOfff!!!

And was left to eat dust!

Suddenly , he felt cold and in peace as if all the sorrows of the world had vanished,

It was only after a few minutes he realised that an arrow had pierced his chest

HIS ERRAND WAS OVER

OR WAS IT?

Even before his death, this knucklehead had started blaming me again for his outcome,

That’s why I decided to give him a second chance,

People always misunderstand me, I am pretty generous you know!

They ultimately realise that in the long run!

I hadn’t made it easy for him by any means!

After his death he found himself slipping down some dark tunnel, and his size was shrinking constantly and finally as he saw some sign of light and felt that someone was dragging him out, eventually he came out and started to cry as he would have to start everything all over again!

I had to do this you know!

As Before dying he said—-

“Why is my LUCK so bad??”

 

 

INDIyeAh(the third)

Holi!!

The colourful festival celebrated on the last Full moon on the Lunar Month of Phalguna at the end of the winter season.

Generally, it takes place either in late February or early March.
People leave their sorrows behind and indulge in pure fun with a splash of vibrant colours.

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Many people though, claim Holi to be as hazardous as Diwali for it has an adverse effect on the water and soil.
Every year, people are encouraged not to use synthetic colours as they might cause fatal problems to the skin, but few people lend an ear to that, mostly due to the exorbitant cost of the herbal colours. The synthetic colours contain harmful stuff like PbO,HgSO4,AgBr,CuSO4 and Prussian Blue and these might cause eczema,dermatitis,allergy and the big daddy of all…skin cancer!
* #chemistry___dawg!!*
Precautionary measures are also made available to the commoners,
But who cares right?? 
The Holi swag is incomplete if the “bandor rong” doesn’t stay for at least a couple of days.

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*dumb  af*
Interestingly enough,
Widows were allowed to celebrate Holi this year at Vrindavan, thereby breaking a 400 year old tradition!
Tradition?? Nah!! It’s a bloody Prejudice!

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Some parched villages celebrated dry holi this year, that is, they abolished the use of water and played only with abir! They deserve my salute!
Also that, colours were substituted with cow dung and urine in some parts!!
Yes, you read it right!!
Cow dung and Urine!
Ughhhh!   :3

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In, Much Ado About Nothing, we read about a masked ball, we also use masks here in Holi, but for a very different reason!
It’s not that we don’t want to get ourselves coloured, it’s due to the fear of being turned to an (quoting the bard) ETHIOPE!
Big Boys in gangs patrol the streets in the hunt of a relatively humane face an on finding, vandalise it with something that resembles coal tar!
The wisdom that our elders give during the celebration is “karur chokhe mukhe rong dibi na” but we aim for that headshot don’t we?  😛
There is always that one guy who gets pissed off when we spray colours at him, and I have never seen anyone singing “khelbo holi rong debo na tai kokhono hoi??” at that time! I mean come onn! That’s the opportune moment!

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Bollywood has somehow managed to make anything white, the official uniform of Holi! All these actors wear the crisp-est of kurtas and salwars for the occasion, we are a bit special in that respect, rugged looking clothes spring out of nowhere before Holi, which is ultimately destined to be the all important “POCHHA”!
TV shows have an entirely different view point; “Holi special” episodes turn up during this time as the terrible tales of troublesome families take a tumultuous toll. I would love to imagine a Christmas Special of Game of Thrones where John Snow will finally with snow with the men of the nights Watch!
Normal People play holi in the lanes or open fields! But No! Modern Society has a take on everything as it’s too mainstream!
Various European-like-named clubs who present a
Holi                                      bash,
                                              Splash      *what not?*(featuring DJ Hubba)
Which is a big pain in the dash!

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“Rang barse” and “Ballam Pichkari” are the anthems of this festival and people go nuts listening to em after having pleased the mighty Shiva which we also know as “Baba sheba”.
*wink*
Social Media gets all crammed up with the posts of #boshontoswag and “Can u rcgnise me???” !!!
It’s great to be a part of all this! But it’s equally depressing not to be!!
Damn you boards!
*cries in the corner*
Thank you for reading about my take on Holi, (yes its over… yaay!!)  , I hope that I haven’t offended you or hurt your feelings! If I have I am sorry for being such a cynical jerk, it’s only meant for fun!
HOLI THA!

-THE CYNICAL GOBBLEDEGOOKER

thank you for reading!