Peace,Protection,Patriotism.

A hand rises amidst the sea of heads…

rebel-930x493

 

*silence*

The speech begins as the mic lays out a high-frequency screech…

7-mic-tips-tricks-to-improve-vocals

Hello,

You might want to sit back and clear your mind (or your bowels if you want to) for this. The matter is serious and has already gotten out of hand. So, I have decided that enough is enough, and speak on behalf of my community.

Considering the majority of my audience, I assume that most of you might have used us over and over again till we have given your senses a sore.

You have oppressed us, ogled at us and even thought of exchanging us, but we didn’t complain. You judged us by our “brands” and our so-called features, we suffered in silence. We charged your soul with hours of emotions: laughter, anger, angst et all! Yet you resorted to other means of entertainment leaving us high and dry! Did we retort then?

Then why do this to us now?

Why do you keep breaking us over and over again? It is true that we can’t speak or say a word against your supremacy, your control, it seems we are to only dance to those signals you throw at us!

So, think before shattering us, breaking us with your pseudo-brutality, because remember-

What goes around comes around!

Yours Truly,

The Television Union

and its predicament after the face-offs of arch rivals.

11

The silence is broken by a young guy draped in mono-colour…

How can you be so cruel, madam? You can be a very good orator and everything but you can’t randomly sexualise this matter for your ends! Do not think that we all are sitting ducks here! Do we not understand your propaganda? You are deliberately trying to make us empathise with your problems by giving it the subtext of a sexual harassment! We do think that your issue demands an answer but please don’t use one of the most pressing issues in our society for your benefits!

The young man has to stop now as he realises that the lady has already left without paying heed to his comments.

stock-photo-unanswered-question-410969047

I, myself, standing right at the corner of this very room was carefully observing the proceedings till now with a solemn brow while impersonating a serious Sukanto. But, me being dormant thus far now feel a need to say something to you, my friend… Be it the communal, sexual issues or the protection of certain lactating herbivores- every issue demands our undivided attention, true, but do you know what we need more at this crucial juncture…. unity. Why do I, a mere narrator/writer thus far, feel the need to say this to you (without being a character in my own story)? I do because it is not the race for the throne which is a real threat to us it is the things that lie beyond the wall. Period.

1668d0f45c868c48f7ea362e2e698cd6-fin-png

image courtesies:

https://goo.gl/qfr9qs

https://goo.gl/JLHMth

https://goo.gl/8puWZV

https://goo.gl/gRYsaj

https://goo.gl/YYfXM5

https://goo.gl/Wv3DPX

 

 

 

Advertisements

N EEEW! YEAR

Before furnishing me with a garland made of various invectives from every part of speech, allow me to justify myself.

No! This special message won’t have pixelated beams shooting from every possible direction of the screen. So, what is it?

At the swansong of the years that has gone by and those that are going to go by, people have and will stuff their heads with unnecessary optimism, as if the next year is going be a Karan Johar movie. Nothing different is the scenario this year, as the end beckons the same scripted statuses spring up on Facebook displaying their empyreal will power.

newyear1

(I am not even mentioning the messages on Whatsapp, by the way, Who invented GIFs? If you know him/her(to please the feminists) Kindly inform him/her to meet me on the sidewalk.)

People have hopes in such height that even gravity can’t help but be seduced to make it come crashing down. Clearly, that does not happen and it’s the root cause of unhappiness in our lives.

g1424616108200259672

P.S- Ardent John Oliver fans know what I am talking about by now

Take 2016 for example, which is an embodiment of the word ‘disappointment’.

Let’s roll back a little bit in not a very chronological manner, shall we?

(Didn’t have much of a choice there did you?)

2016’s feathers in its cap were,

Unleashing the deadly Zika virus and threatening the foetuses, actually, you did a generous deed here, you spared the pain of those to enter this hell on earth a.k.a 2016.

All the merciless hate crimes that you unleashed upon thousands of innocents in the name of God.

17argo

That Migrant Crisis bro?

Why do you need to clear so much space in the middle east?

For Rohit Shetty to blow up cars? Huh?

And why did you exactly collapse that bridge? Needed a new Slide?

And, man oh man oh man… I am not getting into Politics…. What were you smokin’ man?

20160910_ldd001_0

I don’t who was the script writer for this year but I must this that you’re no less than a sadist, taking away all our beloved people: our sorrow makes you sneer doesn’t it?

The entire year was nothing but a never ending funeral!

I won’t give a big list, but no matter what u try, we will remember them, “ALWAYS”!

 

if-you-cant-handle-me-at-my-worst-you-dont-deserve-my-dank-memes-32-photos-24

That wasn’t even 2016 in a nutshell! You still have hopes for 2017?

So, please don’t have so many expectations for this year, think of it as the worst year ever! Come What may, we will survive as we always have!

But, I won’t take this rant any further coz I found this on google,

wdsz7

I’m Jus Sayin! xD

NOW

I finally I can say….

 A VERY VERY UNHAPPY NEW  YEAR

TO YOU!

Please make way, I need to listen to my ‘Angel’ once more to see ‘Eye to Eye’ again!

“Hey

Hodor! Please hold the door for me, I need to get out

Thanks, Mate.”

Courtesy

Carryminati,EIC,Youtube Spotlight,Watch Mojo,Actualol,Last Week Tonight,Syracuse.com

and Google Images.

 

 

 

PUJO

INDIyeAh the Fourth

The sweet smell of Shiuli’s mingled with the tunes of high flyer’s amidst the azure backdrop casts a spell on our minds. That spell is also known as ‘Pujo Pujo feeling’. It drives our monotonous minds to a wonderland, free from all shackles and boundaries, much like that nightingale of the yore.

If you are a Bengali, you know what I am talking about,

If you aren’t one, then also you know what I am talking about.

The lyadhkhor (laziness^tan 90) Bengali finds incredible energy from some ethereal source to go on an errand of endless pandal hopping.


The festival is an elaborate one, which begins at the tithi of ‘Mahalaya’,

It officially marks the start of Durga Pujo with the advent of ‘Devipokkho’.

During this time we finally remember about that good old radio which had probably been collecting dust at some almirah top or the other. The Bengali cleans it and puts new batteries in for that revered baritone of 

Birendra Krishna Bhadra.
At 4 am sharp,

with attention rapt, he listens to the divine recitations… (Also sleeps after 5 minutes)!!

And so, the pujo spirit kicks in and mind gets more “uru uru” by the day!

This year I heard people where flocking to the pandals as early as ‘Tritiya’!! Thank God Pujo doesn’t begin from ‘Shosti’ anymore!

On the day of ‘Shosti’, I was standing in this huge queue at the Sovabazar Metro and in front of me was this elderly gentleman also waiting to take the metro to see the now infamous Deshopriyo Park’s Durga idol. I approached the octogenarian and warned him about the immense rush, he calmly replied, “That is what I am going to see!”
That reply really took me off guard, I mean, isn’t that what’s the spirit of festivity is all about?

The huge gatherings, the night outs (though I couldn’t attend one this year, damn you rains!), the clamours,the sound of dhak which resonates with your heart,the incredibly loud-speakers which echo throughout the ‘para’…we don’t get to witness these everyday…do we?

Standing in huge lines to get a good look at the idol whilst ogling at numerous other ones is truly a great pleasure.

Nihilists, Pessimists and Escapists will always want to get away as festivity, positivity and celebration are too much for them.

The ‘Ashtomi Anjali’ is an event of much interest, as people dress up in their traditional ‘biye bari’ attire to please the ‘shey’ and gather to recite mantras which one does not have a clue what it’s all about. It’s a day of consuming vegetarian items as if we would.  

:3 :v

The day of ‘Ashtomi’ has another importance, that is reality check!

After going overboard on ‘Ponchomi’,’Shosti’ and ‘Shoptomi’… ‘Ashtomi’ looks you in the eye and says “Pujo is going to be over soon bro!”

The day that follows,’Nobomi’ is a day of living the moment with that hint of underlying fear of the approaching ‘Doshomi’.


It also features the much heroic ‘dhunuchi naach’-attempted only by professionals!!

Slowly, no…. not slowly, at the speed of light comes ‘Doshomi’,and we wait with heavy hearts to see our maa being immersed in the holy waters.

let’s face it we all hate ‘Doshomi’, people might show you smiling pictures of people rubbing ‘abir’ on each other after having stuffed the idol with deserts, but believe me, they are not happy, it is not humanly possible to smile on a ‘Doshomi’.

So, that’s how it ends folks, leaving us in a trance for some period of time when we are not sure,
Who we are? Where are we? Why we are?

It takes a lot of time to recover from the post pujo depression,

to see the pandals being deconstructed, ughhhh!

Still, light can be found in the darkest of times if one knows where to look

And that’s when we regain our enthusiasm, gather the last drops of optimism and shout with all our might…

“Asche Bochor Abar Hobe”

The images used in this article are obtained from google images.

KYA MOCAMBO KHUSH HUA?

“While in the merry month of September from me home I started,
Left the girls of Tuam so sad and broken hearted,
Saluted father dear, kissed me darling mother,
Drank a pint of beer, me grief and tears to smother,
Then off to reap the corn, leave where I was born,
Cut a stout black thorn to banish ghosts and goblins;
Bought a pair of brogues rattling o’er the bogs
And fright’ning all the dogs on the rocky road to MOCAMBO.”

-SAID THE DRIVER OF DILSHAN HEMNANI after being ousted from the “so called” posh diner on Park Street. The poor chauffeur was “supposedly” shabbily dressed as marked by the officials of the personal biscuit makers of Queen Elizabeth.

This man was denied entry to this restaurant because of his dress and inability to speak English.

Really?

These are the people who watch nothing but Set Max on Sooryavansham (you read that right) at night while having Rajma Chawal and behave like Colin Firth in Kingsman the next morning.

They must take some kind some kind of pills (remember Matrix?) in between to undergo such a drastic change in such a short period of time.

BLIMEY!

Even if the dress makes a tiny bit of sense, the fact that inability of speaking English is actually taken into consideration is just mind-blowing!

I feel like barging into that place, hold a knife at some guy’s throat and ask about the difference between “your” and “you’re”!

How can this be a thing in a third world country like ours!

Look at Germany, Russia, China… they use their own language and just look at their development!!

Then there’s us who await the premier of “Mem Bou” in Star Jalsha.

No wonder they wanted “Dugna Lagan”!

For the sake of the conspiracy theorists, let’s consider the stuff on social media to be true!

The Restaurant Page has allegedly stated that the people who use the vernaculars are either uneducated or belongs from a backward society….

I won’t say much about this but this is why Suarez bites people and Ranjit Mullick calls Koel for the much dreaded “belt”!

Rabindranath had once met an old friend when he was in England, he was blabbing in English all the time, after he finished Rabindranath calmly said

“Alas! You didn’t learn English properly and forgot Bengali as well”

Apply cold water on that burnt area bro; they don’t call him Kabiguru for nothin’!

This is exactly the case of our present day society; we have become oblivious to our moral code and mother tongue but have adopted an alien culture in a rather obscure manner.

Enough said, gimme a break already!

Excuse me please while I gently put on my Oxford’s, button my Louis Vitton, and leave for our very own KAKU’R CHA r DOKAN…

P.S-They only serve Earl Grey!

I hope that you’re hale and hearty and consumin’ no ale.

Thus far and no further, more when we meet at Starbucks!

Whoooops….

Till then,

(removes the bowler hat)

Cheerio Mate!

-THE CYNICAL GOBBLEDEGOOKER

(Lyrics used at the start is that of-

Dubliners – Rocky Road To Dublin Lyrics | MetroLyrics

Image Courtesy-Google)

 

CENSOR*BEEP*

Of late, there has been a lot of uproar regarding what the general public should see and they should not!
Some people say that the public is mature enough to decide that while others argue about the content being too explicit for society.

That brings us to ask

“To censor or not to censor,

Is that a question?”

In the 21st century, one should expect to have liberty.

Whatever people express, they do so to share their views with everyone else, if that basic right of expression is snatched away from them, which is a violation of a fundamental right, then comes the problem.

The department of digital media has suffered some great blows. Take the case of the film called Water: it was banned in our country, but eventually went on to represent at the best foreign-language category at the Oscars! Did that affect the success that the film got, depends on what one thinks to be a success! If it is getting accolades, then the movie did excellently well. Or, if success is seen as reaching out to the masses then I must say it was a huge failure, but not at any fault of their own. The movie was snatched out of the reach of the masses by the “Scissors”. Not long ago, Pahlaj Nihalani, the then head of CBFC was (again) under fire for censoring the flicks like Udta Punjab and Spectre a little too much. Udta Punjab came in the line of fire as it threw light on the pre-existing drug problems in Punjab whereas the hullabaloo around Spectre was a funny one. Kissing scenes of Bond were deliberately cut short, because, humans don’t kiss now, do they? It also implies that Indian society can’t decide for itself what to watch and what not too. It is, I believe an insult to the intellect of our people.

Salman Rushdie’s famous book The Satanic Verses was not only banned but he was also issued a death sentence by the then Supreme Leader of Iran: Ayatollah Khomeini.

The genre of Rap has also come under much flak starting from its initiation with the likes of N.W.A to Eminem and DMX.

Another one is the gaming industry.
Many games tell great stories but sadly they are underappreciated, now there has been snipping in this genre too! Numerous games have been banned in different countries because of their explicit content and as a result, the ideas that some of these games try to spread are getting lost! In this case, however, some censorship can be justified as the famous “No Russian” mission in the Call of Duty franchise can be very sensitive to certain communities.

The above citations represent not even a slice of the vast pre-existing gamut of works of expressions which have been denied/hindered the light of day since time immemorial.

What’s the point of art if people can’t analyse it or let it analyse life properly? Certain rules and regulations about the appropriate viewing audience are justifiable but absolute deletion is not! The very concept of something being “Adult” just because it shows skin is not justifiable!

The content is what matters!

Certification, not absolute censorship, is perhaps the better route.
Censorship, however, is the best unpaid marketing.
Recent history bears proof of that, and that’s the funny thing with history you know: it has a knack of repeating itself!